🌈A letter to myself (and you if it fits)🧠

My brain is special! Well my Mum would say I’m super special in my own sweet way 😅

But you know what? It is, and I am.

I was born with a brain that functions differently to other people’s.
But I guess I’m not alone in that am I?

My brain works overtime for no extra pay.
It never shuts off.

It desperately tries to keep me safe at all times.
It gets stuck in fight, flight or freeze…

It thinks up all the ways that I could die, my loved ones could die and then proceeds to tell me I need to do my OCD rituals to stop this from happening.

My brain didn’t lost the memo that it’s safe. That it’s ok to be worried but you gotta turn off the anxiety sometimes.

My brain can be my biggest enemy and my strongest supporter.
I still get pissy with it and argue with it.

I tell it to ‘fuck off’ frequently.

Well… it’s my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I wish would do one.

Since I first write this post in 2016 I’ve discovered I am in fact most definitely ADHD and likely Autistic too.

So whilst most of this post still stands I’m rewriting it and pondering from my new found perspective of understanding myself more than ever.

I wonder what it’s like to not have to repeat ‘safe words’ in your head all time?

What’s it like to have a worry but then move past it relatively easily?
What’s it like to have gone to school and university to complete courses and triumph at these so called ‘normal’ achievements?

But to be honest I’ve had to rethink this whole ‘normal’ fallacy we’ve had bombarded in our heads.

It’s not actually reality is it?

Not one person I know in my life has everything figured out.

Everyone is clutching at straws
behind the scenes.

Everyone thinks and feels
they’re doing ‘it’ wrong.

My brain is logical, magical, captivating, full of beautiful ideas and passion for life.

My OCD brain is magical, captivating and full of ideas too…
My AuDHD brain I’ve come to learn is actually pretty fûcking cool!
Is it easy? No
Does it make life harder in a lot of ways? Yes

Am I thankful to understand myself better for the first time in 43 years?
HELL YES!

So actually they go together really well.

You gotta stop fighting yourself.

Myself.

I’m sick and tired of trying to fit in.

Trying to fit the moulds society has cast upon us by some arbitrary rules made up by the establishment.

Learning to understand that my OCD & AuDHD is a part of who I am has been very liberating.

Im embracing ME
That’s what I’ve done, what I’m continuing to do and how I’m choosing to live my life.

Don’t ever apologise for having a mental health problem or a Neurodivergent brain. Ever.

Get to know yourself.

If other randoms don’t see your beauty then that’s their loss.

Get to know yourself.